How to Take Up Space: Body Language for Chronic Shrinkers

6 min read · Aura

To take up space, literally claim the room you're entitled to: sit with your back against the chair and your elbows off your ribs, stand with feet hip-width apart, put your bag on the floor instead of hugging it, and speak loud enough to reach the person furthest away. Most "how to take up space" advice stays a metaphor. This guide is about the physical version, because your body is often where the shrinking starts.

If you make yourself small without noticing, Aura's quiz spots whether shrinking when you walk in is your aura leak and gives you one move a day to fix it: Find my aura leak.

What taking up space means

"Take up space" gets used two ways:

• The metaphor: believing you deserve to exist fully, speak up, have needs. Therapists use it this way a lot.
• The literal version: how much physical room your body, stuff and voice occupy.

They feed each other. When you feel like you shouldn't be there, your body shrinks. When your body shrinks, people read you as someone who shouldn't be there, and treat you that way, which makes you shrink more.

The take up space meaning in plain words: acting like you belong where you are. Synonyms people use: "own the room," "hold your ground," "stand tall," "having presence."

You can break the loop from the body side. That's what this guide does.

Signs you shrink

Run through these. Be honest.

• You sit on the front edge of the chair
• Your elbows are glued to your sides
• You hug your bag or hoodie to your chest
• You cross your arms or legs tightly by default
• You walk along the edge of hallways
• You apologize when someone bumps into you
• You go quiet mid-sentence when someone else starts talking
• You step off the sidewalk to let people pass, every time

Three or more? You're a chronic shrinker. Very common, very fixable.

A lot of people, especially girls and women, get told early to be "small" and polite, so how to take up space as a woman is its own huge search. But guys shrink too, often by hunching and hiding in hoodies. The moves below work for everyone.

Sitting: claim the chair

Sitting is where shrinking is most obvious, and the easiest place to start.

1. Sit all the way back. Your back touches the chair. Not perched on the edge like you might need to flee.
2. Unglue your elbows. Rest your forearms on the desk or the armrests. Let them take up width.
3. Feet flat or one ankle loosely crossed. Not both legs twisted around each other.
4. Your stuff gets its own spot. Phone on the desk. Bag on the floor next to you or on the chair beside you if it's free.

For more seat-specific moves, see our guide to confident body language while sitting.

Standing: feet, arms and bags

Feet

Hip-width apart, weight on both feet. Shrinkers stand with feet together or shift weight to one hip and twist. A stable base reads as calm.

Arms

Let them hang loose at your sides, or put one hand in a pocket. If you keep crossing them, that's worth looking at on its own. Our guide to why you cross your arms so much explains what's behind it and what to do instead.

Bags

The "bag hug" is one of the biggest shrinking tells. Wear it on your shoulder or back, or set it down. Your front should be open.

Walking

Walk in the middle of the hallway, not hugging the wall. Keep your pace steady. If walking past people is the hard part, read how to walk past a group of people.

What about power poses?

You've probably seen the "stand like Wonder Woman for two minutes" advice. Here's the honest version.

A 2010 study by Carney, Cuddy and Yap reported that expansive "power poses" changed hormone levels and risk-taking. Later, a larger replication attempt didn't find the hormone effects, and one of the original authors, Dana Carney, publicly said she no longer believes those effects are real. So "power pose debunked" is partly fair.

What seems more solid is smaller: some research suggests expansive postures can make people feel a bit more powerful. So a power pose before a presentation won't transform your biology, but standing open probably won't hurt and may take the edge off. The bigger payoff is how other people read you when you're open instead of folded.

The hard part is you can't see yourself shrink. You only notice after, if at all. Aura's 16-question quiz covers rooms, eye contact, clothes and the way you speak to show which leaks are yours, then gives you one small move a day and a one-tap check-in at night to track whether it's sticking. Find my aura leak

Voice and space in conversations

Your voice takes up space too. Shrinkers:

• speak at the volume of the person closest to them only
• let their sentences trail off
• stop the moment someone else starts talking

Fixes:

• Aim your voice at the furthest person in the group.
• Finish your sentence if you're interrupted. A calm "one sec, just finishing this" is totally fine.
• Pause instead of filler. A pause holds the floor. "Um, like, I dunno" gives it away.

This is how to take up space in conversations without being loud. It's volume and completion, not dominance.

Taking up space without being rude

Taking up space doesn't mean manspreading across three bus seats or talking over everyone. The rule:

• Take your fair share, not more. One seat, one turn, your own bag space.
• Move when it's actually needed. Letting someone pass on a narrow path is polite. Stepping into traffic every time someone walks toward you is shrinking.
• Let others take space too. Ask the quiet person what they think.

You belong in the room. So does everyone else. That's the balance.

How to take up space, one move a day

You won't unlearn years of shrinking in a weekend, and you don't need to. Pick one move from this guide daily. Aura does that for you: the two-minute quiz gives you an aura tier, then a plan of 14 moves, one small thing a day to do, say or wear, with your streak tracked. Pay once, nothing to cancel.

Find my aura leak

FAQ

What does take up space mean?

It means acting like you belong where you are, both emotionally (having opinions and needs) and physically (your posture, stuff and voice using a normal amount of room instead of shrinking).

Is the power pose debunked?

Partly. The original claim about hormone changes didn't hold up in a larger replication, and one original author said she no longer believes it. Some research still suggests open postures can make people feel slightly more powerful, so it's a small help, not a magic trick.

How to take up space as a woman without seeming rude?

Sit back in your chair, give your arms room, set your bag down and finish your sentences. Taking your fair share isn't rude. Taking more than your share (like extra seats) is where it tips over.

How do I stop crossing my arms?

Give your hands a job: one in a pocket, holding a drink or resting on the desk. Notice when you do it and what triggered it. Often it's cold, nerves or not knowing what to do with your arms.

Why do I make myself small in public?

Often it's a habit from feeling watched, judged or like you're in the way. It usually feels safer. The good news is it's a physical habit, so small physical changes practiced daily can undo it.